Birdemic: The Memoir

Birdemic MemoirFollowing the so-called “World Tour 2010” of “Birdemic: Shock and Terror”, director James Nguyen put pen to paper to write several rough paragraphs and called it “a memoir”. His bio claims that he is known as the “Master of Romantic Thrillers™” (trademark!)

This “memoir” consists of only about 240 sentences. There are more pages of photos than text in what is more accurately called a pamphlet than a book. Despite the small amount of words, the movie’s title is mentioned a whopping 83 times! Nguyen promises a Birdemic sequel in 3D, a Broadway musical where electronic eagles and vultures will fly like Spiderman, and an online game.

Nguyen mentions Hitchcock and Hollywood over and over as if he has any connection to either. He tells us that his eagles and vultures became “mutant, toxic and flammable” due to global warming. He needlessly explains how he had very little money to make his most famous movie. And he never comes to terms with the fact that people like to watch his movie ironically.

There are moments of boasting.

“I have a history of discovering beautiful and talented actress. After seeing at least 1,000 headshots and hundreds of auditions, I discovered Whitney Moore. Whitney is a beautiful, gifted and talented actress. I would not be surprised if Whitney is casted in a Hollywood movie and the next hot blond actress!”

There are moments of child-like praise.

“Alan Bagh did a great job as Rod in Birdemic. […] Alan is my friend.”
Whitney Moore “…did a fantastic job as Nathalie in Birdemic.”
“Colton Osborne did a great job as Tony.”
“Patsy van Ettinger was awesome as Nathalie’s mother! […] Patsy is my friend.”
“Damien Carter […] did a fantastic job in playing himself in Birdemic.”
“Rick Camp does a superb job as Dr. Jones. […] Rick is my friend.”
The rest of the cast “… did a terrific job.”

However, he also chastises hopeful actors wishing to make it big in Hollywood.

“A lot of them are not willing to pay their due. Some are infatuated by the movie business. Some are fakers. Some will not make the sacrifice and dedication in order to have a chance at that elusive Hollywood movie break. Personally, I believe that most of them will quit and go home because of money.”

Though his delusion is on full display throughout, it is made most clear when he describes how environmentally friendly the movie has made him.

“Birdemic has inspired me to live a green lifestyle. So I made a serious effort to reduce my carbon footprint. Now, I drive a hybrid car. I will buy an electric car. I have gone solar in that I have installed a solar power system at my house and I use solar battery chargers to recharge my cellular phone & laptop computer. Some of the lights in my garden and front yard have solar panel on them.”
“[M]y clothes are made from bamboo material. I have a computer mouse and keyboard that are made from bamboo which acts as a carbon sponge that absorbs excess carbon dioxide; this helps to reduce global warming.”

Oh, Mr. Nguyen, you are truly an inspiration!

To get your own copy of this picture book, I mean, memoir, it retails at only $19.99.

Entertainment, Humor, Observations, Personal